A Thing About Death…

Happy Saturday friends! This week for me has felt like 2 weeks in one and there’s so much that I thought I was going to share this morning, but I’ll save it for another post. I figured I’d spend time sharing my thoughts and reflections on the topic of death and even grief.

Yesterday I experienced a loss of someone I’ve known pretty much my whole life. Even though the loss was expectedly unexpected, I began to ponder and still am on the losses that I’ve experienced and just my encounters with coming face to face with dealing with the death of a loved one or someone close. I found myself replaying over and over again the events from my own personal loss recently and there are so many thoughts. So many things that I think about that I wish I could’ve done but didn’t think about it in those moments. I think about the trauma that sometimes doesn’t feel or come off as traumatic in the moments because we’re so used to suppressing every emotion.

Then there’s grief… the one thing that hits you unexpectedly and like a ton of bricks. The thing that’s triggered by any and everything or simply nothing at all. Death and grief together is such a complex thing to navigate. You begin to question everything at times or nothing at all. As I stood outside experiencing the mixed emotions and feelings from yet another loss I thought about how death is really a part of life. I thought about how it’s a part of this life and reminded myself that it’s not a part of the next life. Even though it didn’t change the heaviness of the moment or the lingering thoughts about that desire for one last hello, one last hung, one last convo, etc.

Death is one of those things that truly comes in and interrupts your whole life. It’s unlike the other interruptions of life. Death has a way of making time stand still. It has a way of making you stand still as life moves around you. Death is invasive as it doesn’t wait or care for the time or the place. So it’s like how do you maneuver when it hits close to home?

I find myself having internal conversations with myself on the events from beginning to end. I try to remember every part as its the last memory and moment with that person. I find that the memories come and go and they twist and turn. Even when you don’t forget it often feels like you’re forgetting. I have personally never taken or handled death well and even saying that….what does “handing death well” even mean? You hear that often and you wonder how such a statement became. I mean I guess what I’m expressing is that I don’t find myself debilitated…however I don’t often process it well and it’s not outwardly but more so inwardly.

Death is one of those things that makes you appreciated the gift of life even more. It opens a space of gratitude even when it can be hard to find in that moment. In all my rambling and flow of thoughts I wanted to express outwardly that death is one of those things where you can fit just about any adjective next to the statement and it would hold true. That’s a thing about death.

My prayer today is for those who are grieving. Grieving someone who is no longer here or even grieving someone who is still here. I pray that we experience a peace and a comfort like no other. I pray that we find solace in knowing that there is life after death and that we hold on to that promise even in the aftermath that death tends to leave.

With love,

-Yours Truly, Eb