Have you ever felt like you were undeserving of stepping into a new season? You keep jumping back to your past and thinking "How could someone like me be deserving of anything after the things I've done or the mistakes I've made.?" Yet God still prepares you in spite of, He still calls you into a season in spite of, and He still sees you worthy in spite of. I think we often forget how sudden God is. We try to put a time stamp on the time keeper and we try to regulate time based on how we feel about ourselves. In a season of suddenly we often feel that we're not ready yet or we have to be polished more. We experience fear of the unknown and often wonder why God chose us. He will give us signs clear as day and we question Him simply because of what we THINK or how we FEEL. That's lack of trust and faith. Sometimes you have to view it from a perspective of reality; like what if you told someone that you're going to do something for them and they just question you all the time to see if you're really going to do what you said. You would feel offended and annoyed right? If God is not like man that He should ever lie, why do we put limits on Him? Why do we question Him? Why do we treat Him like man? Why don't we simply just trust Him and have faith that He knows what He's doing?
The more I seek God and ask Him about the preparation season that I'm in I often hear God reassuring me. I actually needed a lot of reassuring because over the years I've been very specific with God especially during my growth and transformation. Aside from God's best and His plans for me He knows the desires of my heart. I've been so focused on Him and His will for my life that I've been very careful with who I let near me. My heart has been guarded and I've just been focused on God, myself, and my purpose. So when He began to prepare me for a new season I kept asking Him to give me signs, clarity, and confirmation. All of which He did but I still found myself feeling like I wasn't deserving. I felt like I wasn't ready...like I needed more time to prepare and I heard God tell me that He wouldn't place me in a season that He knew I wasn't ready for. That right there alone gave me peace and reassurance, but later on down the line I began to revert back to wondering if I was the right one. I for some reason just couldn't think that God would see me as a fit and that was due to how I felt about myself and my past and due to God being so sudden. It's quite a silly way to think actually.
We have to constantly remember that when we become new creatures in Christ we are new overall. You could've sinned yesterday and decided to give your life to Christ wholeheartedly the next day and God will forget your past. We have to forget like He does so that when He does move suddenly we're not questioning God or condemning ourselves. We're not trying to play time keeper or be in control of what we have no control of. I've said this before but we have to be gentle with ourselves and often forgive ourselves without condemning ourselves. We have to be ready for when God moves in a sudden manner and when I say ready I mean spiritually and mentally open and ready to receive all that He has to give us and whatever it is He is preparing us for.
Today my prayer is that we trust God so much that we don't question Him or His timing. That we will always see ourselves as God sees us. My prayer is that we stay focused on God and grow in Him so that we will always be familiar with His voice. I pray that in the season of suddenly we hold no fear, we do not waver, we do not question God and we do not condemn ourselves of things we've already been forgiven for.
With love,
-Yours Truly, Eb