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Boundaries. Set Them.

Hi, my name is Ebonee and I have a truth to share about myself. I recently realized more in depth that I don't quite have healthy boundaries with people. It seems unfortunate at my age however I'm thankful for the realization and awareness to the latter. I have been on a journey of growth as I have mentioned in previous posts and while on this journey I have learned a lot about myself and just my life in general. I've been reflecting on my past lately and thinking back I never really set boundaries with people in my life due to me being a people pleaser. As a kid and adolescent I just wanted to make people happy and in doing that I often left myself out of the equation. I brought those same habits into my adulthood but of course with growth I've changed but have I changed enough?

I've also realized that people only know one version of me. The version that over extends and over exceeds the expectations. As I continue to grow and take my mental health more seriously I now understand that lack of boundaries and the habits that I have infiltrated have not and are not healthy for me. It's been rough lately unlearning and learning and even as I've decided to step back I've realized too that my lack of setting boundaries has put me in a place where I'm anxious to say no or overwhelmed with decisions because for some reason people will set expectations on you in only thinking of themselves and not thinking of you. People will burn you out if you let them. We have to normalize not ridiculing people who have proven themselves time and time again ,but the one time that they don't show up we make them feel less than. We have to normalize cherishing our close friends and loved ones and when I say cherish, not just time but cherish their mental and physical state as well.

We put a lot of expectations on relationships and friendships but one question you have to ask yourself is...are you putting in what you expect to get out? We live in such a selfish society that we never tend to think about others. We think more about what others can do for us. As someone who is wired to care and be attentive to my loved ones it's easy for people with the same characteristics to be taken advantage of. This is why I'm here now to stress how important it is to set healthy boundaries.

You may be reading this and can relate. You may wonder how can you set healthy boundaries? Here's a few ways that you can set boundaries...

  1. Don't feel guilty for setting boundaries.

  2. Name your limits.

  3. Practice self awareness and in tune with your feelings.

  4. Be clear and direct in what you will and will not do.

  5. Take into consideration your past and present.

  6. Prioritize self care.

  7. Be assertive.

  8. Start small.

Today I want to challenge you to dissect your friendships and relationships and see where the boundaries lack and need to be put in place. I then challenge you to start small and begin setting boundaries that brings you peace, clarity and freedom from people's expectations.

My prayer today is that we find balance and set boundaries in all things. I pray that we are able to freely put ourselves first and prioritize ourselves. I pray that we can also be the best friend, mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, cousin, daughter, son, co-worker, boss, employee, ect. that we can be without burning ourselves out or feeling anxious and worried. I pray that we can freely be ourselves and not feel guilty about the growth and changes that may or have come our way.

With love,

-Yours Truly, Eb

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