Happy Saturday! As this week has been observed all over as Holy Week, this week was interesting for me to say the least. However I had an eye opening moment which I may talk more in depth about at a later date. This week I found myself in a battle that seemed to come out of no where and I'm not going to lie it shook me especially after experiencing such a moment of high in my life that I haven't felt in a while.
Being knocked off my square so unexpectededly pushed me right into panic mode and back down a road that I know I am progressively overcoming. As hard as it was for me to manage, in all of this I found myself getting frustrated at God and my frustration was slowly turning into anger. I began to question a lot of things, rationalize a lot of things and pleaded to God about a lot of things and even though God's response wasn't fully what I wanted He gave me what I needed. He let me ride it out. I'll be the first to tell you that I don't like when God makes me ride things out but I understand why He does. I'm riding it out He revealed to me some areas that I truly needed to forgive myself for and He reminded me that I needed to trust Him. He pretty much told me to tighten up.
I'm learning that forgiving ourselves is a part of the commandment that God gives to forgive others so that you can be forgiven by Him. We often think it only pertains to other people but it includes ourselves too. I had to believe and know in my heart that Christ who already died for my sins has also forgiven me, cleansed me in whatever troubled area I have and that He will continuously make me new. I have to know that I am not God which means I'm not in control. I have to believe that God truly sees me worthy enough to send His son to pay for my sins. If God can do that for me who am I not to forgive myself?
I had to get to the root of why it was so hard for my to forgive myself. I'm not sure that I've 100% figured it out yet, but what I have unpacked so far has been the first step to healing through all the things that comes with the process of forgiveness. Accepting things for what they are, grieving, acknowledging the errors, and choosing to truly let God be God.
My prayer today is that you give yourself grace and forgive yourself so that you can live your life in peace and freedom. Don't allow yourself to be tied fo your mistakes. Free yourself by forgiving yourself. I pray we remember the sacrifice of Christ. That He loves us that much to give us a gateway to freedom.
With love,
-Yours Truly, Eb