Updated: Dec 3, 2020
One thing that I have noticed about God is if you ask Him to allow you to do something or change something about your character He will sure enough begin a shift in you and let me tell you it is the most uncomfortable feeling. That's what I've been experiencing over the course of the last few months. God has personally been dealing with me a lot about overcoming offense and forgiving those who have crossed me in a wrong manner. That is something that has been hard for me because I never spoke up, I allowed those offenses to harbor inside of me even though I forgive. I often ask myself now had I truly forgave even though I still harbored the offense? I'm starting to believe that maybe all of that time I didn't.
I have spent a huge amount of my life not really knowing how and being afraid to really speak out or speak up for myself due to many failed attempts at doing so. For me it honestly is embarrassing that I couldn't feel comfortable doing the one thing that everyone should feel comfortable and safe doing. I never understood how fed up I was until I recently reached the point where I was completely okay with throwing away anything that tampered with my mental and emotional peace. Granted I've always been so loving and kind to anyone I come across but there's pros and cons to everything unfortunately. The con of being kind and consistent is the fact that people will take your kindness as a weakness.
Over the course of life I've watched a lot of people underestimate my ability to be confrontational because I'm hardly ever am. I've also watched a lot of people say and do things and be comfortable about it because they're used to me not saying anything or just brushing it off. In this day I take responsibility for that. I know you're probably wondering why I am going on and on about my experience with people and I share this portion of my life because in this season I have realized there are so many people out there who are just like me. Who aren't confrontational, who are kind spirited, who have been taken as being weak because they choose to handle issues in another way. I realized there are people out there who just like me find themselves anxious about the reactions of others, who never often put themselves first. Know that it is okay to say no, it's okay to change your mind and it's okay to choose what's best for you. You owe no explanation to anyone but to God.
I want to encourage those people who are just like me the group of people who have experienced being silenced to be bold and confident to stand up for yourself. Use your voice, God didn't give you a voice for it not to be heard. Don't allow the fear of other's reactions mute you from being heard. I'm learning now that those who truly respect you and care for you will respect your choices and decisions even if they don't always understand or agree. I'm learning that everyone won't like the un-silenced version of you because it will cause them to act accordingly in a level of respect that they didn't have to do before with the silenced version of you. Know that what fades away God will always replace. Beware that all change and shifting is not easy it comes with a level of un-comfort that you're not used to and that will lead you to go back to what you're used to but don't go back!
In a time and season where God needs you to use your voice is not the time to be silenced by the world. Your voice, and your feelings matter. Your emotions and peace matter. You matter, don't let anyone degrade you and make you feel small. Don't let anyone silence you. God has not given you a spirit of fear, anxiety, and timidness. He's given you a spirit of power, love, joy, and a sound mind.
My prayer today is that those who have been silenced will start to speak up, speak out, and to be bold. I pray that your heart will release any harbored up or pent up offense. I pray that any fear and anxiety that is appearing after making choices that makes YOU happy will flee. I pray against the feeling of guilt that tries to consume the minds of those who have been silenced for so long. I pray for freedom and an overcoming of being silenced to a season of being respected, valued, and heard.
-Yours Truly, Eb